Today has been a long day in more ways than one. It has literally been a long day in that it’s just past midnight and we just got back from a concert after being at work all day. It was totally worth it just to get out of the house and do something different. But being out of the house for extended periods of time when you’re on the Autoimmune Protocol diet can also make the day seem much longer than it actually is.
The reason. Hunger. Today has been one of my hungriest days in a long time and it doesn’t seem to be satisfied by lunch or any of the very limited snack options available to me on AIP. I literally haven’t been this hungry since I was vegetarian. And the frustrating thing about this hunger is that when I’m outside of my house, I feel completely powerless to do anything about it. I never thought I would ever be on a diet that would not allow me to walk into the local Tesco five minutes from my work and buy something to snack on. But everything seems to be off-limits.
Sure, I could buy fruit. But you are meant to limit fruit intake to two portions a day and I get that easily with my morning smoothie and whatever I bring to work. Where two weeks ago, I was buying myself a bag of cashews or macadamias, I find myself standing in each aisle staring aimlessly at the selection available, feeling desperate to eat something but knowing I can’t have any of it. It’s torture.
Paleo was a walk in the park compared to this. I thought it would be an easy transition, but after my initial starting enthusiasm, I’m losing my will pretty quickly. I was so hungry after lunch today, I walked into the shop and bought a packet of sliced roast chicken and a packet of sliced roast beef… definitely not grass-fed. Definitely full of preservatives. Meat generally doesn’t have a shelf-life of over a month unless it’s pumped full of some crap.
One of the major mistakes I made on this trip to Tesco was to ask everyone in the office if they’d like me to pick them anything up while I was there. Which they did. A four-pack of Crunchies for her, a raisin and biscuit Yorkie bar for him. So I ended up, the person who can’t even eat dark chocolate any more, doing the afternoon chocolate run. Torture.
And although I didn’t give in or cheat, I’m already wondering if this is worth it. For the first time since going paleo, I am truly craving pizza, crappy commercial chocolate, and other things I wasn’t craving before. Whereas before I was seeing the positives in my autoimmunity, it having forced me to seek out this new and healthier lifestyle, I am now cursing it and wishing for the pain to just go away so I can stuff my face with all the crap I want again.
And the niggling little voice in the back of my mind is whispering nastily: “What if it doesn’t work?”
What if all of this is for nothing and at the end of this challenge, I’m in as much pain as I started with and none the wiser as to what is causing it? I had already shed almost all excess body fat on paleo and I was never big to begin with, but I’m at risk of becoming scrawny on AIP, skating dangerously close to a BMI of ‘underweight’.
I need some more signs that this is the right thing to be doing. Is this a normal Day 9 on the Autoimmune Protocol Diet experience? All these questions and I’m already later for bed than I ever am on a school-night. Somehow, I don’t think extra tiredness will remedy the situation.
So, I guess my only option for now is to sleep on it and try and figure out a further plan tomorrow. I’m not quitting. I just need to find a better way of managing on this diet without starving myself in the process. Any tips gratefully received.
Breakfast: Avocado Grapefruit Smoothie
Lunch: Leftover chicken casserole
Dinner: Mackerel salad with celeriac and pickled shallots (ate out in a restaurant)
Snacks: Packet of sliced beef, packet of sliced chicken, and a pear.
Pain level (out of 10)
Started off at about 2 and settled down during the day. Went back up to 2 or 3 from about 6pm. Eased off again now late into the evening to 1 or even 0.