Today I failed at AIP miserably. It started off well… in fact it didn’t really. On the surface, it looks like it started off well – fruit salad for breakfast, nothing wrong with that, right? But in actual fact, all I did was start my day with a high glycemic load meal and then continued to load my body full of glucose all day until my final pitiful downfall this evening.
Let’s start at the beginning. For Saturday’s magical banquet, as well as the gluten laden cone cakes that Boyfriend made for desserts (which I did not touch), I made up some fruit salad to serve in cocktail glasses. Of course, when faced with a veritable smorgasboard of desserts, our guests were less inclined to satisfy their sweet tooth with fruit than they were with cake. Go figure. As a result, I was left with four glasses of fruit salad in the fridge.
You can’t leave fruit salad in the fridge for too long. It either goes brown or mushy or both. So, I’ve been eating my way through it for breakfast for the last couple of days. Not such a big deal yesterday because of the great big meals I ate which all but stopped me from snacking inbetween.
Today, however, back at work and I’m unprepared again. The weather dropped colder by about 10 degrees celsius today and salad was my only option having not had time to batch-cook this weekend. I threw in some smoked salmon and avocado to help make the dish a bit more filling, but at the end of the day, it was a cold meal. It’s never going to be satisfying enough in November in the north of England.
Before we even got to lunch, I was diving into the bag of dried dates I have secreted in my desk drawer. I’ve been rationing myself to two portions of six dates per day (or trying to anyway). Six dates is roughly one portion of fruit, so I figured I could get away with two portions in a day. Turns out I can’t because I have zero self control. By the end of the day – not even, actually, it was more like 3pm – I had eaten through the entire bag of dates. That’s about 300g. Shocking. And dates are REALLY sweet. I mean, they’re used on AIP as a sugar substitute in some ‘treats’ and I was just eating them like… well… sweets. I might as well have eaten a whole bag of sugar.
Time for home and Boyfriend is working late tonight doing a gig with his students. As soon as I get in, I’m straight in the cupboard reaching for the fruit leather. That’s it now, I’m on a sugar high and I’m scared of coming back down. What is wrong with me? And why has this sweet tooth come on so strong today?
Fruit leather devoured, I start dinner. A sensible AIP-friendly dinner of coconut crusted cod. I’m also preparing some beef broth in the slow cooker so I can make a tasty stew on Wednesday. Very Autoimmune Protocol of me, I know. Shame that doesn’t extend to the rest of my day.
I eat tasty dinner with sweet homemade mango salsa on the side – I’ve now eaten enough fruit to fill my quota for about four years. But is that enough? No. There’s just no satisfying my sweet tooth today. But this one is bad. Really bad. Remember that box of celebrations we bought for the trick or treaters? Well, there are a few left and some of them are unwrapped as we had them as part of our dessert decoration at the magical banquet.
I ate four.
Four cheapo Mars company celebrations. Who knows what kind of crap is in those things. I do. I read the ingredients list at the weekend and was appalled. What the hell is wrong with me? I’m 22 days in and cheating? And why? I have fruit in the house if I really needed more sugar – which I definitely didn’t; I’ve definitely had enough sugar today. But at least that’s it. It’s nearly bed time after all, I don’t need to eat anything else. Oh wait, apparently I do! Because it’s into another round of fruit leather. It’s not even that tasty. I would much rather have fruit. What the hell is wrong with me?
So, all in all my glucose count is somewhere near four million grams today and includes:
- fruit salad breakfast
- a whole bag of dates
- mango salsa
- 2 x fruit leather packets
- 4 x Mars celebrations chocolates
Now to a person who isn’t autoimmune and eats a conventional diet, I admit that this doesn’t look all that bad. But for someone who has been eating as clean as I have over the last three weeks, it feels like I’ve really let myself down. I’m not feeling any side-effects at the moment other than feeling a little bit fat and bloaty and my mouth tastes weird. I also feel a tiny bit wired.
I’ve had a relatively pain free day today, which might be part of the reason why I let my standards slip. I’ve written before about the fact that when I have very little pain, I tend to get the ‘it’ll be OK’ mentality and lose discipline. Instead of seeing the lack of pain as some proof that what I’m doing is good and I’m healing myself, I tend to take it as: ‘great, no pain. Let’s have a sugar party!’ Very silly.
I think the key here is to not start my day with something sweet. It just sets me up to want more sweet stuff all day. Luckily, I’m completely out of fruit salad and tomorrow’s breakfast will be leftover fish from today. I am also completely out of dates having gorged myself silly on the lot of them today, so that shouldn’t be an issue at work. I do still have fruit leather and a bowl full of actual fruit. Could be an issue. I do also have a bit of a headache. Silly. Just silly.
Oh well though. We all make mistakes and tomorrow is a new day where I have the opportunity to not make mistakes. No more negative thoughts about today as it can’t be changed. Onto tomorrow and making some better decisions.
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Lunch: Salmon and avocado salad
Dinner: Coconut Crusted Cod with Mango Salad
Snacks: Full bag of dried dates, 2x fruit leather, 4 x Mars Celebrations chocolates 😦
Pain level (out of 10)
Started off with minimal pain at about 1 or 2, died down by mid-morning and never returned right into the evening despite my sugar binge. Wondering if it has something to do with how much fish I ate and whether the anti-inflammatory effect of the Omega 3s helped at all. I guess we’ll find out tomorrow and see if the good fortune continues.