Day 48: Phantom bladder pain

I have now been pain-free for a few days. It’s brilliant, weird, and a bit scary. Not really scary. But I’m just on edge a little bit I guess in case it comes back. This could be it. The end of all the pain. I would really like that to be the case.

One of the things that hit me really quickly after just a couple of days of not having pain was just how different I feel. It’s been over a year since I haven’t had a day without pain. I’ve been through doctor’s appointments, tests, examinations, prescriptions, dietary changes and more. And throughout this journey, I have also tried my best to remain positive and have discovered mindfulness and meditation as well.

The great thing about actively trying to turn negatives into positives is that you do start to convince yourself that you’re OK. That’s brilliant. It takes some of the stress out of the situation. And it’s really useful, especially if you’re in pain every single day. You’re just able to deal with it a little better. But what’s weird is when that pain is suddenly taken away, all that positivity you built up gives way to huge relief.

I had absolutely no idea how deeply the pain was affecting me until it wasn’t there any more.

It’s like I’ve been holding my breath for a year and I’m suddenly able to breathe out again. But it has put me on edge again. The shroud of positivity has not full disappeared but it becoming more transparent, more delicate. Now my focus is shifted on keeping the pain away. And I’m not sure, but I think I keep almost imagining the pain coming back.

Every now and again, I think I can feel a little twinge in my bladder and I just sit or lie as still as I can and see if I can feel it again. And I don’t. Mostly. I don’t think there’s really anything there, but maybe my body has been so used to feeling pain at certain times that it just expects it. Like phantom bladder pain.

I’m sure it’s nothing and just some leftover nervousness. I am continuing to reintroduce some foods. I had omelette for breakfast yesterday and that seems to have gone pretty well. I’ll try eggs again tomorrow and then next on the list is tomatoes. Eggs will make breakfasts so much easier! And tomatoes will make everything else so much easier. Can’t wait 🙂

Have you got rid of chronic pain, just to find you imagine it around every corner? How long did it take to go away?

Food diary
Breakfast: Sweet potato, apple, and pancetta hash
Lunch: Chicken and bacon salad
Dinner: AIP meatloaf
Snacks: Plantain chips, dried fruit (figs, dates, chewy bananas)

Pain level
Zero – apart from the odd phantom twinge


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